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i experienced my first panic attack exactly one year ago. it came at night, overwhelming my awareness first with a thunderous noise that originated in my chest but played, echoed in my head, ka boom ka boom ka boom, the music amplified by the dome-like structure of the skull. i felt my heartbeat so strongly, i crumbled every time the muscle pushed against the walls of the lungs. it did so confidently and proudly, much like a child resists the compression of the uterine wall, the visual of the mother’s stomach changing shape simultaneously endearing and frightening. thinking back, it…




pavleheidler

movement and word artist, educator & a queer critical thinker • (they/them) (adhd)

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